How do I pinpoint a reason for my depression?
MizDarkEyes Asked: How do I pinpoint a reason for my depression?
Nothing happened to me that I can specifically say is the reason I am depressed.
I'm extremely sensitive to setbacks and rejection. Very paranoid: always seeing alterior motives and stuff. I panic easily. Always anxious.
I just feel like I can't function in my life and I wish I could just hide away somewhere, sleep forever.
I'm just sad and scared all the time, however, I try not to show it. I'll drag myself out of bed and be chirpy and happy.
I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder.
I feel like my meds aren't helping. I see my psychiatrist only once a month. I need help.
I want to go to bed forever. Stay in my warm bed. Safe.
I hate the degree I'm studying for, but sometimes I love it.
Anxiety is all about failing and fear of failure. It sounds like you have been studying for a while and that there is a pressure to complete the course/perform.
Anxiety is debilitating and fills your life. It isn't normal and it isn't healthy. I think anxiety leads to depression as you describe it.
You need to talk to someone you can trust and try and set things in perspective. How far away fro graduation are you? If it is a a semester stick it out, if you have just started think through what else is on offer and how it sits with you.
College is just a small part of your life, it can set you up or it can set you back. I left early and never regreted it but it isn't what I would recommend. If you can finnish your course do so. If it is a long slog look for something that is more interesting.
Shrug off parent pressure, if you are feeling as ill as you say then no parent would wish you to become more depressed.
As I say you need to pop the cork and have an honest open discussion with someone that know a bit about such feelings. Hunt down your college support person and get some time with them.
It sounds as though you need someone to speak to during the time between your sessions. For what it is worth, you are more than welcome to contact me. I've dealt with depression for the better part of my life. I'm not about to judge you or condemn you. I simply want to offer my support. I can relate to your struggles and I know how debilitating depression can be. Either way, I wish you the best.
If you don't like the carreer you are studying for that is probably the problem. My GP physician says "All teens are depressed. They are insecure. It is a time for figuring out who you are."
Ask your therapist for more time. Good luck!
I too, suffer from anxiety and depression.It is horrible and I understand completely how you feel.
When you say you just want to crawl in bed and sleep forever…this is the same thing I tell people too.
Panic attacks are the worst and unless a person has actually had one, they have NO WAY of understanding just how bad they are. I have even gone to the ER twice, convinced I was dying of a heart attack.
I am on a whole bunch of medications and have even tried Transmagnetic Stimulation.Nothing is working.Now I have to preface this with the fact that I am also going through a horrible divorce and that is making it worse, but I am genetically predisposed, as I imagine you are too, and have dealt with this most of my life.
As for pinpointing where it came from, there isn't always an event that makes this happen.For those of use that are made the way we are, it is just a fact of life.Just like someone who is born with diabetes, it is a disease just the same.Sometimes that is the hardest fact to accept.But it is.It is a definite imbalance of chemicals in the brain so please realize it is not your fault.
Severe depression and anxiety isn't the kind of thing you can just "snap out of" as so many people believe.It requires medical intervention and I am glad you are seeing a psychiatrist.But you may need to consider that you need more help.I don't know if I you see a counselor or if you need a NEW psychiatrist that is a little more aggressive with the MDS…but more help is definitely needed.
If you would like to talk about this more, please feel free to contact me.I will offer all the help and support I can and want you to know that you are not alone-Sandy